But before I do, I’ll share some details with you about what we went through. I’ll go more in depth in other parts of this series about our experience, with an attempt to keep the focus on me rather than him. But I want to give you a view of some of what we faced over the 14 day run of the virus, before I give you 3 insights I gleaned.

NOTE: I am not a doctor or healthcare professional, and all that I share are based on personal experience. For advising on medication, supplements, dosages, and any medical protocol, please consult with your doctor.

I supported by partner from March 12th to March 26th (and did NOT expect for him to be sick for that long). In fact, I packed an overnight bag on March 12th with only 2 days worth of cloths and supplies, figuring his fever would pass by then. After all, that would have been 6 days of fever total. 6 days is a long time, I thought.

Fast forward to now: I haven’t left his side since (other than during his hospital stay). It’s April 14th as I write this. We’ve been together over 31 days!

Fevers

The fevers were moderately high (100-102) during the first 7-10 days, but they were spread out enough to be manageable. In order to bring down the fever, I supported him by applying cold compresses on his head, underarms and groin.

TIP: When applying cold compresses, make sure to have multiple wash clothes and hand towels on hand. Rinse them with cold water, and remove/place them from the area once they’re nearing warm. Do not use ice or ice packs when attempting to bring down their fever.

Fatigue

He was pretty out of it and fatigued (and that fatigue increased after day 10), so I made sure to keep him hydrated, well fed and helped administer medicine and supplements, as well as took his temperature. Not only that, but I kept a log of his temperature, medication, supplement dosages, meals and symptoms. This helped me a LOT when communicating with doctors and nurses about his symptoms and progress (this communication became a daily thing Day 7-Day14).

TIP: In Evernote, keep a daily log while you’re supporting someone who is ill. Track: temperature, medication dosages and types, supplement dosages and types, meals, symptoms, breathing trends and any other information that may support you in communicating with healthcare professionals and tracking symptoms.

Progression of COVID-19

From Day 9-14, my partner’s fevers started to get closer and closer together, and harder and harder to manage at home. We consulted with doctors and nurses and our health doula Yael over the phone 1-3 times per day Day 9-14. We went to the ER the first time on Day 7, where he was diagnosed with pneumonia (and began treatment with antibiotics). Thereafter, we were advised essentially to come back in if the fever hits 105 degrees, or if breathing issues emerge.

TIP: We were advised by our doctors that the breathing issues would not be an abrupt change. The breathing issues slowly come on. So, I recommend that you record video or audio of your ill family member or friend early in, and record video every few days to compare the difference between their breathing. By the time we went to the ER the second time, it wasn’t for breathing issues. It was because his fever hit 103.7 and I had a gut feeling that we needed to go in that moment. Once he was in the ER, though, they identified that he was having breathing issues and when he was admitted into the hospital, he was given oxygen.

It was on Day 12 that I brought him back to the hospital with an unmanageable fever and breathing issues. He was admitted at that point and taken care of in the hospital until Day 15.

This is a dry accounting of what happened. It’s missing a lot of details (which I’ll share more throughout the coming days.) Things like…

How I started to emotionally unravel on Day 9

Not only did I emotionally unravel, but I also subsequently started to notice symptoms coming on (which was one of my biggest fears). The emotional unraveling was definitely tied to a lack of sleep. In managing his fevers for days, while also cooking all the meals, cleaning and disinfecting the house constantly, and keeping family, friends and peers updated on what was happening with my partner, I wasn’t getting much sleep and I wasn’t decompressing enough to support my own immune system. Below, I go into what I recommend in light of my own experience, and how I specifically used mindfulness to support me in the absence of optimal sleep.

The way I connected with my community to get through the crisis

I was connected with family members, less than a handful of friends, and interestingly enough, fairly new friends, peers or healthcare professionals in my life. The people who were able to be there for me during the crisis in the ways that I needed, showed up BIG TIME in all the moments it counted most.

While I was sitting in the parking lot of the ER. Before bed. Right upon waking up. When I wasn’t sure if my partner’s breathing was ok or getting worse.

And one of the most profound and surprising connections I had was with Papa the cat (pictured below). My partner’s cat, a 12 year old, vocal Bengal cat, kept us company and supported us throughout the entire time. He was there with me while my partner was in the hospital. We coughed and laid around the house together (well, he sneezed, rather). While he didn’t administer cold compresses, or disinfect the house, he offered us an incomparably soothing presence and attention that brought us some solace in bleak times.

I’ll share about more moments during the crisis throughout this series…. Now, for some lessons I learned and strategies to support you during these times. 

This pandemic created a perfect storm for me that resulted in sleep deprivation.

I kept going and going, until I hit a breaking point. Cold compresses. Disinfecting everything in sight. Preparing meals. And trying to watch a movie to emotionally regulate once in a while.

Day 9 arrived, and things started to unravel. Not for my partner, but for ME.

My breaking point was marked by heightened emotional volatility. By Day 9, I began crying (a lot). On the phone with anyone I happened to be talking to (including doctors that I’ve never met, nor may ever meet in-person). Silently to myself in the shower. Or even in front of my partner while I thought he was sleeping (which I really tried to avoid doing, so as not to worry him).

Being on our own through that whole experience, contending with a virus that baffles pretty much everyone (doctors included), doesn’t necessarily make for conditions that feel safe or serene. Quite the opposite.  So I had that floating above me and all around me the entire time I was caring for my partner.  Now, mix that uncertainty with lack of sleep, and you’ve got yourself a really bad situation.

I hadn’t really experienced anything like that before, so I didn’t have the level of respect for sleep that, in retrospect, I should have had.

Sleep supports your immune system. During these times, I urge you to get enough sleep and prioritize that as much as you can. This is preventative.

TIP: If you’re a caregiver for someone at home during this pandemic (or another other time!), and you’re working with around-the clock fevers, treat this like early parenthood. Take naps when your patient is sleeping or inbetween fevers. Also, make sure to take naps during the day, especially since fevers spike in the evening and throughout the night.

Oh, and this.

TIP: One way to treat a fever that doesn’t require cold compresses is the SHOWER. Have your loved one take a luke warm shower (standing up or even sitting down). While they’re in there, take a quick nap. NOTE: Do not have them take an ice bath or shower. Make sure it’s luke warm.

So, Day 9. Now I’ve hit a wall. I’m not sleeping, and I’m starting to show symptoms of COVID-19. A dry cough, and lower respiratory tenderness. Discomfort of uncertainty increases.

This is where mindfulness meditation supported me. Meditation is a great way to supplement sleep and provide your body and mind with the rest it needs in order to keep going.

Meditation does not replace sleep. But it does have the power to rejuvenate you in the moments that matter (like when you’re working 10 hour shifts at the hospital, or when you’re caring for someone with COVID who has around-the-clock fevers).

Mindfulness does not demand that you sit for 30 minutes with your eyes closed. You CAN, but it’s not essential in order to get some powerful results.

During this pandemic, I actually only sat for 20 minutes at a time, maybe twice?

But I was practicing mindfulness regularly throughout my days, in the form of micro hits and background practice..

Without this form of mindfulness, I have NO idea what my pandemic story would entail…. but I am pretty sure it would have been much worse.

HOMEWORK:
Practice the mindfulness background technique called ‘Hear Good’ to cultivate lovingkindness 3x/day at 7 days for 5-10 minutes per session.

Mindfulness Meditation Technique for Uncertainty

In this guided meditation, we use the Unified Mindfulness system to lean INTO and AWAY from uncertainty.

We’ll learn to lean into uncertainty in order to bring awareness to its different, combining components (body sensation, mental talk and mental image), and to diffuse it of its power. and intensity. When we look at the different components, one at a time, the intensity and duration of the discomfort of uncertainty minimizes. 

We’ll also walk through how to turn away from uncertainty and the discomfort by going into restful body sensations as a resource. We learn to oscillate between leaning in and leaning away into resources like rest, as a means of processing the sensations in a manageable, compassionate way.